Kid - you frighten me. If they ever do Leprechaun 8, you're a cinch.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Road Runner: Crystal Meth
Look at him go. And go. And go. And go. And go. And go. And go. Covering the same ground over and over again, day after day after day, avoiding capture by suspending himself in mid-air and running through tunnels that aren't really there. Welcome to the wonderful world of crystal meth.
Droopy Dawg: Oxycontin
Look at that face. Listen to that voice. Droop's on the hillbilly heroin fo' sho'.
Scooby-Doo & Shaggy: Weed
What might be the drug of choice for a talking dog and a 32-year-old hippie who think monsters are always after them and constantly have the munchies? Hmm.. I wonder.
The Smurfs: Magic Mushrooms
Famous for living inside mushroom-shaped homes, the Smurfs made it pretty obvious what they were trippin' on.
Care Bears: Acid
Acid trips are known for producing vivid and outrageously colorful images, fanning the flames of fantasy-driven imagination. So it makes perfect sense to assume that the Care Bears, who populate a world of rainbows, fluffy clouds, and talking stars that hand out colored eggs, might be on one big ongoing acid trip.
Yogi Bear: Peyote
There's only one reason a bear would wear a tie and stumble around the desert looking for things to steal.
Brian Griffin: Booze
"Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?”
(List continues on Popcrunch.com)
From Funny Or Die.
Remember 1999? Times were good and we could waste our money on the dumbest shit imaginable. Shit like...
The Dreamcast was actually a pretty cool machine. It had good graphics, could connect to the Internet (editor's note: never knew anyone who did this) and had some decent games right at their super cool launch date: 9-9-1999. The only problem was Sony released Final Fantasy VII that same week for Playstation, and it turned out to be pretty sweet. So sweet, in fact, that a lot of people decided they'd rather wait for Playstation 2 instead of buying a Dreamcast. Dreamcast still could have survived, except for the fact that software sales sucked because you could just burn copies of the games with your fancy new CDR drive. Before long, the Dreamcast was dead. Suddenly the $500 bucks you dropped on a system, game, VMU and 4 controllers seemed like kind of a waste.
A Ticket To Star Wars: Episode 1
Fuck you, George Lucas. That's pretty much all we have to say about this one. Although the pod racer arcade game is still a good time, so I guess it wasn't a total catastrophe.
Y2K Survival Supplies
When Prince said he was going to "party like it's 1999" he probably wasn't picturing a year's supply of canned tuna and 200 gallons of distilled water. Even more confusing than people's conviction that the end was near was the notion that a trip to Costco would help you live after the apocalypse. And while your stockpiles of canned beans and road flares might come in handy when your drunk and bored one night, the various books/VHS tapes and CD-Roms you bought on survival would almost instantly be useless. The information is still good, it's just that nobody uses VCRs, CD-Roms or books anymore.
Smash Mouth CD
None of us had to buy Smash Mouth's "Astro Lounge" album in 1999, but a lot of us did anyways. "All Star" seemed like our friend at first. A catchy anthem that would serve as the soundtrack for pool parties and trips to the beach. Then, somewhere around the 500th time you heard it, you were left wondering why you bothered buying the album. There were no other good songs and you were going to hear "All Star" 20 times a day every day whether you purchased it or not. What was once music to our ears became a sad reminder that we helped buy the fat dude who can't sing another cheeseburger and pair of designer sunglasses.
(List continues at Funny Or Die)
Thou shalt not covet thy friend's girl, Mr. Springfield. But good job working the word moot into a rock song. Don't hear that every day. Doesn't really rhyme with cute, but close enough, dawg.
And, as a special bonus, Ricky's follow-up. He couldn't get Jessie's girl, so now he's hanging out under tables and looking up women's skirts.
I really need to do a list of 80s music vids where tables full of dishes are knocked over in slo-mo. I can't think of any at the moment, but I know they're out there.
Bonus #2 - Rick in "Californication." Short but memorable.
Not from The Onion. Should be, but isn't. Stolen from Samsmama.
Segway Company Owner Accidentally Dies Riding Segway over CliffJames Heselden, the owner of the Segway company, died in an apparent accident involving the upright two-wheeled vehicle on Sunday.
The businessman, 62, was pulled from the River Wharfe, in Yorkshire, England, according to police reports, and a Segway-like vehicle was also recovered at the scene.
According to a report in British newspaper the Telegraph, Heselden, who was known as Jimi, was discovered by a passerby after apparently falling from a cliff above the river. Police do not believe the death to be suspicious.
Heselden was worth about £166 million. He was a former miner who made his fortune from his company, Hesco Bastion, which developed a wire cage water containment system which was used to control floods and used in military defense.
He was also heralded for his charity work, including the British veterans' charity, Help for Heroes.
The Segway, a motorized scooter, is controlled by the direction the rider leans. It used gyroscopes to stay upright. The device was invented by Dean Kamen, who sold his company to Heselden earlier this year.
Ladies, are you looking for that special someone? If so, I just stumbled across the answer to your prayers: Mail Order Husbands, a site where you can find your Prince Charming from the comfort of home. Take a look - you can thank me later. - Bev
After taking their online Compatibility Test, I was matched with Stan here.
Isn't he dreamy? I'm a lucky gal!